After a bit of a rough week, I am feeling on top of the
world again. I really have an amazing church family here in Port Elizabeth and it's something to praise
God for. It's really great being a part of such a fun young adults group that
really cares a lot about me. I was sitting in McDonald's at midnight a few days
ago with a bunch of my friends and someone said something that really struck
me. Everyone was asking how I'm doing without the team, and I mentioned that I
really miss them a lot and it's weird being here without them. But then someone
said, "But Leah, we are your team now." It just really struck me because I am
not living in last year anymore. It doesn't mean I have to forget about my
"beloved AIM team," it just means that this is a new season, and I have a new
team/family.
I really feel that I am fitting in quite nicely. It's just
been tough without a car. But I'm managing, and people are being more than
generous about picking me up and taking me where I need to go. Pray that I will
have a car soon!
This past weekend, myself and some others attended a
conference at another church in PE. There was a team from Bethel
in Redding, CA that came to speak! It was so fun to talk
to Americans! My friends were making fun of me because while everyone else was
standing in line to get prayer for healing, I was standing in line to speak to
an American.
So, the conference was all about healing and walking in the
supernatural. We heard all kinds of crazy stories about cancer being healed,
eye balls growing in blind eyes, ears being opened, and all other kinds of back
pain, headaches, and everything in between being healed. On Friday night at the
church, a leg grew to match the other. On Saturday morning we got to practice
our own treasure hunting, aka, searching out the treasure (people) that God
wants to bless and heal. So, we spent some time in prayer to receive "clues" of
who God is pursuing. Some of our clues were things like brown hair, cowboy
boots, a fountain, the name Amy, etc. So we went out in search of these things
and people.
Nothing super crazy happened, but God met with some people
that needed to be encouraged. My friend Tash and I prayed for a whole family
suffering from all kinds of things: Back pains, infections, TB, and asthma. It
was just so cool to see how God is after people. And He is pursuing each one of
us! Even when someone would reject us and didn't want prayer, we know that God
is going to do something in their life anyway, because he is pursuing them
WHOLE-HEARTEDLY!
I moved into my new place on Monday of this week. My housemates are very nice, yet not home all that often as they both work full-time jobs. Today was my first opportunity to come use the internet at my favorite little cafe, Mugg & Bean.
We have two cute little doggies at our house. One is a fox terrier named Muis and the other is some sort of boxer named Kia. They both speak Afrikaans. Haha.
I have had a bit of a rough time the last week. Everyone here is so great at making me feel at home, and making sure that I am doing well, but I can't help that my mind goes 100 miles an hour (or should I say kilometers). I've had a lot of time in an empty house to let my thoughts run wild. Though I know for certain in my soul that this is exactly where God has led me, I can't help but think I've made a mistake. There are days that I long for familiarity and the comforts of my parent's home. My first Firehouse was last Saturday, and it was so exciting to see all my kids who've been waiting for my return, but there was something missing. My teammates are not here with me. Reality has set in that I have to make it on my own now.
It is sooo cold here. I know I told most everyone that it's 75 degrees all the time, but I lied. It's the middle of winter and it's very cold. No houses in South Africa have central heating, so we basically just have to bear it. I have to pile on the blankets just to sit in the living room and watch tv. And I've never drank so much tea before in my life. I probably have 3 cups a day to keep me warm.
Into the Son camp is coming up in less than 2 weeks on my birthday. I'll be a dorm leader and maybe a small group leader. It's supposed to be a really crazy time with lots of really crazy manifestations. I'm definitely nervous about it because it will probably be lots of things I've never experienced before.
I guess you can see in this blog the ways you can pray for me. I really need a car badly! Pray that all the details will work themselves out nicely and quickly.
I arrived in South Africa last night and I am currently "couch surfing" for the next week until my roommates arrive home.
18 hours is a long flight. I tried to shut off my brain, but it was really hard when all I could think about is Lighthouse Church and seeing everyone in a matter of hours. I made a couple of observations while I was trying to sleep:
1. Not only have I been to more countries than most people I know, but I've been on more planes than most people my age. I have been on 13 planes in 2009 alone! And we are only half way through the year. Crazy, huh??
2. You know how airlines make sure that you know smoking is illegal on board? They even tell you it's a federal offense to tamper with smoke detectors, right? Well I noticed something in the bathroom. There is a big sign on the wall with a picture of a cigarette and a big red "X" through it. About 10 inches from that is an ash tray!!! With a picture of a cigarette on it! How funny...
Anyway, not sure what the next week holds for me. Cell group is tonight, so I'll see most of the older kids, and then I get to see everyone else on Saturday night, and then my church family on Sunday night! I am so blessed to be here. How the heck did I even get here?!
If you are interested in supporting me financially, checks can be sent to Discovery Church, 5860 Las Positas Road, Livermore, Ca 94551. Checks can be made payable to "Discovery Church" with "South Africa" in the memo line. Checks can also be made out to "The Stirring" with "South Africa" in the memo line, and sent to 1348 Market St. #201, Redding, Ca 96001
If you are interested in supporting me financially, checks
can be sent to DiscoveryChurch, 5860 Las Positas Road, Livermore, Ca 94551. Checks can be made
payable to "DiscoveryChurch" with "South Africa" in the memo line. Checks can also be made out to "The Stirring" with "South Africa" in the memo line, and sent to 1348 Market St. #201, Redding, Ca 96001
I can't believe my time in America is almost up. A little less than two weeks to go. Crazy. I got an email yesterday that my visa will be here tomorrow!! I was getting a bit nervous that I might have to push back my flight until it got here.
God has blessed me beyond belief. Something that I keep saying is that I would be a fool to ignore all the confirmation that God has given me for my return back to South Africa. I know that I would be disobedient if I didn't return. In a short month, I've been able to get a discounted airline ticket, found a place to live, been commissioned by two churches, been contacted by multiple people that wish to support me, had my student loans paid off by Simpson, and my friends in South Africa are making sure that everything is ready for my return!
I made a trip up to Redding this last weekend. It was great to see my college friends and Stirring family, but it was weird being there. I kept saying that everything was familiar, but that I didn't belong there and I felt like a foreigner. It was awesome being back at the Stirring and checking in with the people that have been praying for me and supporting me for the last year of my life. Thanks to everyone who has had a part in my ministry in any way!
Some of you have been asking how you can financially support me, here are a few ways. Please ignore the link on the left of this page. This will send money directly to Adventures In Missions, which I am no longer associated with. I have two churches that are heavily partnering with me and sending me out. The church I've grown up in, in Livermore, Ca, and the Stirring in Redding, Ca. If you are interested in supporting me financially, checks can be made payable to DISCOVERY CHURCH with LEAH RUSH in the memo line. These checks can be sent to Discovery Church, 5860 Las Positas Road, Livermore, Ca 94551.
For those in Redding, checks can be filtered through the Stirring, again making checks payable to THE STIRRING with LEAH RUSH in the memo line. These can be sent to The Stirring, 1348 Market St. #201, Redding, Ca 96001.
thanks for the love you've shown me.
In the words of Jason Mraz, "Look into your heart and you'll find love, love, love, love..."
I mentioned in my last blog that I have been going to a grief group. It's been really helpful and healing for me. I think the color (or should I say colour:)) has returned to my checks. Our assignment this week was to write a letter.
Dear Sarah,
You missed your 19th birthday this year. But we made sure to celebrate anyway. We honored your life, spoke of your love, and praised God for sharing you with us for a little while. Your family is doing ok, your siblings are being strong for your mom. She really misses you. We are all so proud of you Sarah, for literally giving your whole self to Africa. You left with no regrets. Because of the tragedy we've experienced we all left stronger people. We definitely struggled, but it was the Lord who pulled us through. Looking at your empty bed the many mornings after your death was hard. We definitely felt a void.
God has shown us how he is redeeming tragedy. He hasn't lost control even when it often feels that way. He is using this tragedy-- He is using every tragedy-- for eternal good. He showed us he hasn't forgotten about us. HE has given us hope.
Sarah, we had other family nights after you left us. Though you weren't there with us, we didn't forget you. I know you would have loved to have been there. But you are somewhere else now. Somewhere so much better. All your wounds are gone and your mosquito bites healed.
Sarah, dance with the angels, dance with all your might.
Well, here I am. I've been home in Livermore, Ca for two
weeks now. It's been an interesting couple of weeks for a few reasons. I've
been on hyper speed trying to get everything done for my visa in order to
return to South Africa
in four weeks.
This past weekend I was in Tennessee for my cousin's college
graduation. I hadn't seen some of my family in TN for 14 years! That's way too
long. So, it was a really good time to reconnect and relax. I was really
grateful that my grandparents brought me along.
I've also finally been grieving Sarah's death. It has taken
a long time. I know that people grieve in different ways, but it seemed like
all my other teammates were grieving in much healthier ways than myself. I
hadn't really been holding everything in; I just didn't know how to deal
properly.
I've been home alone with my thoughts for most of the time
since my return and I've been thinking about death a ton. And fear has been
crippling. I keep wondering who will die next. Life is only a breath and each
day is a gift. About a week ago, I was at a friend's house and I literally had
to pick myself up off the couch and force myself to drive home because I was so
scared to get on the freeway. On some days, driving is much harder than others.
Also not too long ago, my mom was about an hour late coming home from work and
I was sure she was dead on the highway somewhere. But I know these things are
healthy! It means I'm processing.
Last night, my good friend Selena offered to accompany me to
a grief care support group. It was really good. I finally got to talk about the
things that have been plaguing me for the last 5 weeks since Sarah's death. I
think I'm going to continue going until I leave again for South Africa.
Thanks for following along this missionary's life.
I just want to add a disclaimer to this blog. As evidenced from my writing, I am experiencing extreme reverse culture shock...
Being back in America
is so much different than South
Africa. The moment I stepped onto American
soil I was bombarded with the media and the selfishness of this world. In 30
minutes of watching CNN I knew more about what's happening in the States than I
did the entire time of being in South
Africa. Everyone's talking about Obama and
the swine flu. (And apparently California
is in a state of emergency...yikes!)
The people are different here. Success and self consumes
their minds. The black people (or should I say Afro-American to be PC) are
different. They lack the hospitality and genuine spirit that Africans have. And
there isn't much culture, either. A memory flooded my mind about a week ago.
When I flew into Atlanta
for training camp 9 months ago, I dragged two 50 pound suitcases behind me, not
to mention a laptop over one shoulder and my purse on the other. I struggled as
I walked through the airport, sweat poured down my face. No one offered to help
me. I was lost and no one took the time to show me where I was supposed to go.
Eyes were locked forward, concentrated on their final destinations. If I had
been in South Africa,
there would have been someone right behind me, seeing my pain, gladly offering
assistance. Because that's the African way. We aren't individuals, we need each
other. When I shared this memory with my South African friends, they were
shocked.
As I sit on the airplane for the final leg of my journey
back to California,
there is a magazine in front of me entitled the "American Way." Ek. What does that even
mean? What's the American way? Because all I can see right now is
self-centeredness. Are we proud to be Americans, or just proud Americans?
I want to make it clear that I'm not ashamed to be American
or don't hate Americans or anything of the sort. I feel extremely blessed to be an American. Sometimes I try to imagine what my life might be like if I were born someone else, and I wouldn't have half of the opportunities I have here. It's just different here. I've
had paradigm shifts and I've seen things done a different way. A way that
values culture, relationship, and total trust in God. Living here makes it so
much easier to trust in ourselves. We have our money, our health insurance, car
insurance, fire insurance, flood insurance, and 401k's. Don't worry God, we got
it covered; no need to step in for us.
I've been sitting in front of my computer for a long time,
just staring at the screen, not sure what to write. I feel at a loss for words.
The past two weeks have been some of the most ridiculous and
crazy weeks of my life, definitely of this trip. If you haven't yet heard, one
of our team members, Sarah, died tragically in a car accident on April 5. Her
memorial service was held on her birthday, April 8, and I left for the Garden Route with
my parents the following morning. It was really nice being with them and having
the time to process with someone who knows me so well.
Three of my teammates went home a few days later. We're now
down to 9 out of the original 15. The rest of the team then left for Cape Town to debrief and
relax and just be with each other during these stressful times. I got to meet
up with them for one evening, but it wasn't enough. We really needed each other
during that time and I hated being separated from them.
We were finally back together on Saturday. There has been so
much turmoil and unrest in our team. No one is to blame, things just happen. I've
felt really uneasy and had no rest trying to figure out what's best for all of
us. Do we go or do we stay? Do we have anything left to give to our ministries?
Do we have anything left to give each other?
We've been tossing these ideas back and forth for two weeks.
As a team we decided that the best thing for us is to come
home early. I'm not sure if this is a shock to some, but it's definitely the
right thing. I'm going to miss everyone so much! My team has become like family
to each other. I love each one so much, and I'm so scared I'll never see them
again.
I'm not going to share exactly when I'm coming home. Life
has been so stressful and I just need some downtime to relax and to regroup. I
promise I'll contact everyone when I'm ready.
This might be my last blog from South Africa until I return in June.
Thank you EVERYONE for your prayers and your constant
support. I love each one of you.
